A Year Later

When I first started posting my blogs from my Yosemite trip it dawned on me that I was posting them exactly one year after my journey. So many things have changed in the past year and so many things have happened - both good and bad. As I look back on my experience in the wilderness I realize that it has become a part of my everyday life. Many lessons that I learned and many obstacles that I overcame have come into play in day-to-day situations. I lean heavily on the memories of that journey to push me forward to new goals and to help me reach new mountaintops. The trip prepared me for bigger things to come in my life. It helped shape me into the person I am today - as does every experience that we allow ourselves to participate in. I decided today that it's time to set new goals and new dreams. Time to start reaching higher and further still. I don't know what challenges lay in store for me, but I am ready and willing to start growing again, inside, where it really matters.

Day 8 – July 13, 2008 – 10 PM

So it was just not meant for me to see my boys today. My flight had to circle Cleveland for an hour before going on to LaGuardia. Then we circled NYC before we could land. We landed at 9:10 PM. I went straight through the airport to the car. Don was waiting for me – with the boys – who had fallen asleep. Patrick stirred when I got in the car and he blinked at me. He said “Mommy? You’re here?” I almost cried again. I gave him a kiss and said yes, I was here, and go back to sleep. Don ran into the airport to go to the bathroom. I watched someone get arrested after running from the cops. I thought I really am back in the jungle. We finally got on the road home. We got home and the boys both woke up as we carried them in. Both of them wanted me to tuck them in. I gladly did so. Then they were off to dreamland again. I guess I should try to go to bed now. What an ending to this trip!!

Day 8 - July 13, 2008 – 3 PM

Somehow I was only in the Denver airport for 2 minutes. I went to my gate for the 4:45 PM flight. The customer service agent said the 2:06 flight had been delayed and was boarding now. He said – “Go get on it.” Thank God I had no checked baggage. I got on the flight feeling like I was riding a tornado. I did not have time to eat, go to the bathroom, take Advil or anything. But, somehow I ended up with a window seat. I was in the back of the plane, but I didn’t care at this point. I just wanted to get home. Both guys in my row were super nice and one even had some Motrin he gave me for my knee. Now I should be in NY by 8:20. I can’t wait!!!

Day 8 – July 13, 2008 – time to go home!

I was wide awake at 5 AM again today! I couldn’t wait to get home. I packed, showered, took my big bag to the hotel front desk for them to ship home UPS, grabbed a muffin to eat and checked the computer again. Now I’m at 255 messages. I have a lot of catching up to do when I get home.

I had the hotel call a taxi for me and went upstairs to get my carry-on stuff. I went downstairs, checked out and called Stacy while I waited for my taxi. We talked til the cab arrived, though I’m not sure I was able to convey anything about the trip to her. I was still in culture shock from being thrust back into the fast-paced world.

Go figure – I get to the airport and the guy tells me my flight to San Francisco is cancelled. MELTDOWN. He said he could get me on a later flight and that I’d arrive in Newark around 3:45 AM. I told him I HAD to get home before midnight. I didn’t care what NYC airport I went to as long as I could get home to my boys. He rearranged my entire flight schedule. I am now on a flight to Denver. Once there, I get on a flight to LaGuardia and am in NY by 10:40 PM.

We flew over Yosemite. I almost cried. Same thing in the airport as I walked by pictures of Yosemite. Why? Because I just looked at it and thought “I DID that. I climbed those mountains for a week.” For the millionth time this week I thought “what the heck did I just do?!”

I am going to work on postcards for a while. I gave the other 6 a souvenir postcard last night at dinner. I am going to mail the others one from home. I can’t wait to get all of the pictures from everyone so I can make a book. I want to make a book for each person on my team. What a great Christmas present. I also want to make one for me that includes some of my journal entries. Good summertime project for me. I just hope everyone follows through on sending the pictures soon.

Day 7!!!!! July 12, 2008 - started writing around 7:30 AM but had to finish 7/13

Yesterday afternoon we finally started dinner. We sat around on rocks chatting while Wendy and Jen fixed a delicious Thai meal. I normally won’t touch Asian food, but this was very good. Some sort of rice noodles with a coconut milk peanut sauce. After dinner I presented the Lakota virtues. It went well and people actually asked some good questions. Then we had a dessert of CHEESECAKE! I’m not a cheesecake fan, but it was REALLY good. Ryan made it in honor of Wendy & Kevin’s birthdays. Then Jeff and Ryan asked us to meet them in 20 minutes at their upper camp.

We started cleaning up and getting things ready for the night. Wendy and I both suggested that we wear our helmets up to the pinning ceremony. We got some great laughs out of it and took some awesome group pictures. We went up the hill to find Jeff and Ryan also wearing their helmets. We had been laughing so loud they heard us and looked to see what was going on. After a few more laughs we settled in to the moment. Jeff and Ryan spoke and then we were invited to give a pin to someone we felt deserved it. For the first time all week I jumped at being first. I wanted badly to give the first pin to Wendy. She was actually tearful saying thank you and then she in turn gave a pin to Betsy. Betsy gave a pin to Kevin, who gave one to me. Since I already gave one out, Kristi took the next one and gave it to Jen. Jen said she was glad Kristi was the only one left because she had planned to give her a pin.

We sat around the campfire for a while longer, just talking and laughing – enjoying our last night together. Around 10 PM, most of us stumbled blindly down the slope back into our camp. I looked at Jeff and said “if you hear me yell for you later…” and he said “I’ll come down and put a tarp over you.” We both laughed, but I knew he’d do it if I needed it in the middle of the night. That’s just the kind of guy he is.

I handed out everyone’s letters to them before we went to bed, but it was too dark to read them until daylight. As we were getting ready to turn in, Jeff starts playing with his green laser light and it looked SO cool going through the trees. Jeff walked the other two down and I gave him the letters for him and Ryan.

I settled in and slept pretty well all things considering. By 5 AM though I was WIDE awake and ready to go. Kristi was awake too – which was both unusual and very funny. Kevin and Betsy woke up right after that. Betsy, Kristi & I were talking quietly. Betsy was teasing me saying I was like a kid at Christmastime – “Is it time to get up yet?!” A deer walked up, looked at us and started walking to the creek. Kristi settled back into her bag, Betsy laid back down, and I just sat quietly. Suddenly, something scared the deer and it BOLTED. Kristi cringed in her bag, which I found funny, and after the crashing noise stopped she said “I thought the deer was going to trample me.” Betsy, Kristi and I were then laughing outright. We cracked up completely. After Jeff’s story about the buff 25 year old guy saying a mountain lion ran over his chest, the thought of telling him a deer trampled Kristi was just too entertaining. The deer actually came back a few minutes later and looked at Kristi like “WHAT?! You are in my path to the water.” We just cracked up again. Jen woke up, looked at us and said “what?” We just kept laughing. When Jeff & Ryan came down we told them Kristi got trampled by a deer, laughed at their reaction, and then told them the story. It was really funny. You just had to be there.

We finally got up, packed up, and headed out. Fifteen minutes later we were at the campground. If I’d have known how close it was, I’d have probably snuck to the place the night before – just for running water and a flush toilet. Ryan had been teasing me about sneaking to the campground – and that’s when I thought it was about 45 minutes away. Funny thing was, Kristi, Kevin & I had gone for water last night and must have walked right up to the campground. We never knew it! Probably a good thing. It made sense then why Jeff had said another 5 minutes of us getting water and he’d have come looking for us!

At the campground, we got out the bear cans and emptied them. We dumped our trash – finally – and got things organized. Someone started breakfast and Jeff made everyone eat something. I choked down some lukewarm oatmeal. The other group got there and Margaret and I immediately started chatting and trying to catch up. One thing I forgot to mention – during our “Rock Assault” day (as we dubbed day 4) – one of the girls in the other group left the course. So when the group got to us at the campground, we were skirting around the issue. However, it didn’t take long for the group to fill us in on what happened. Apparently she didn’t know what she was signing up for and wasn’t prepared. She said if they didn’t walk her out she was walking herself out. So Jason walked her 7 miles out and then walked 7 miles back in. He stopped at our camp that morning looking like he’d had a very rough night. Indeed he had!

We loaded up our gear and got into the van. STINKY!! In the van, I realized I hadn’t talked to Jeff about last night. I turned and told him that I’d made it the whole night without my tarp. He patted me on the shoulder. It may have seemed trivial to others, but he knew how big of a deal it was to me. It was quite an accomplishment and it was nice that he acknowledged how big of a thing it was for me.
The van took us to the top of the Four Mile Trail at Glacier Point. Kristi was feeling sick after the van ride. My knee was killing me. We were all out-of-sorts. Plus, there were lots of people around. Weird after being around no one but each other for a week. We started hiking. It was DOWNHILL. Big time. I thought I was going to die from the pain in my knee.

Jeff, Margaret & I walked down the hill together for a while. I had initially been upset that I wasn’t in Margaret’s group, but as the week went on I knew I was in the right group for me. After hearing Margaret talk, I knew for sure I had been blessed with my group. The three of us had a great chat as we walked. After a group break, Ryan led the way with Margaret and I. I think I was just in the front because I knew at the bottom it was OVER! The three of us also laughed and talked. The funniest thing was Margaret saying there were really not emotional times in their group. Ryan just looked at me and we both cracked up. Our group was a chain of emotions. Especially during Rock Assault. We were moving at a pretty good pace. After another break, Margaret and I went ahead on our own. We just kept talking. It was a great first attempt at trying to explain what we’d gone through during the week. At least we’d had similar experiences. I have NO idea how I’ll explain it at home to someone who wasn’t there.

Ryan caught up with us and we finished the four mile hike quickly. We were all tired, sore and ready for a real lunch. When we reached the bottom of the trail, Ryan monkeyed around on some boulders. A few minutes later we saw Jason. We teased saying we’d have been there 10 minutes earlier but Ryan had to stop to play. Everyone laughed and then Margaret and I caught sight of lunch. FRESH fruits and veggies. Real cheese. COOKIES! We just started drooling. Jason told us to dig in and we both dove at the cantaloupe. I didn’t even bother with a plate. I just devoured it. I grabbed a slice of bread, some cheese, cucumbers and a cookie. As others came in, we smiled at their expressions, knowing now what we’d looked like a few minutes earlier. We ate really well and then packed up and headed to the van. My knee was throbbing by this point. Jason had let me ice it for a few minutes, but it hurt like the dickens.

In the van, I sat up front with Margaret – the two car sickies – and John. I propped my leg up for the hour trip to base camp. We got to base camp and piled out of the van. We had one hour to unpack all of our gear, separate the group gear into piles, fill out an evaluation, help clean the group gear, put our own stuff back into our luggage, get our shirts and certificates, say goodbye, and get back into the van. Wendy had a 7 PM flight, so we had to be at the airport by 5 PM.

The mad dash began and we got everything done. For the first time in my life I voluntarily did dishes. My fingers ALMOST got clean! Jason gave out our certificates, stickers and shirts. Then we said goodbye to our staff. Ryan gave me a big hug. So did Jason. I was avoiding saying goodbye to Jeff because I knew it’d be the most emotional. Jeff and Kristi were really the two people I connected to this week. Everyone else was saying goodbye to Jeff and he actually looked around and said “there you are Kriss – come here” and gave me a big hug. As he hugged me he told me he hoped everything worked out for me and to keep in touch. He said something else, but I was getting teary and just nodded and turned away. It was tough. I hate goodbyes. He had thanked me this morning for the letter I gave him last night, saying it was nice to read before turning in for the night. He laughed and said he knew he was embarrassing me by thanking me in front of everyone, but that he really appreciated it. He is definitely someone who “got” me and who I will keep in touch with.

We piled into the van AGAIN. I sat up front with Lea. Jen, Margaret and Wendy sat behind me. I started calling people as soon as the first service bar appeared on my cell phone. The call to Stacy was good but quick. Text messages started flying. I called John and told him about my knee. I talked to the boys but all they would say is that they were going to Aunt Maureen’s and that she had orange juice and berry juice. I begged Lea to stop at a gas station. She did. I grabbed a Coke and had started drinking it before I even got to the register. I also got a 3 Musketeers bar, some gum, and some tic tacs. It was a FAST stop. Everyone was grabbing snacks and getting back into the van.

We dropped Wendy off at the airport and everyone said goodbye. Margaret left there too. Then we dropped Bev, Sue, Jen and Betsy off at the Holiday Inn. Then we dropped Paul off at the Piccadilly Inn. Then Lea dropped Kristi & me off at Kristi’s car. We said goodbye to Lea and she left to drop Kevin off at the Marriott. The seven of us with Sunday flights planned to meet at 7:30 PM at the Steak and Anchor at the Piccadilly. Kristi drove me to my hotel. We both showered and got ready. We went to pick up Kevin and then went to eat.

Dinner was awesome. It was really the first chance I’d had to get to know Paul, Bev and Sue from the other group. We had a great time. We ordered a slice of Snickers cake for Kevin’s birthday. We ordered and ate way too much food, but it was a wonderful ending to the week.

After dinner, Kristi took Kevin to his hotel. While she drove him, Betsy, Bev, Sue & I waited outside for her to come back so she could drive us to our hotels. While we were waiting, a car drove by and the driver threw a cup out the window. Betsy gets all riled up, walks over, picks the cup up, and walks over to the guy. My last image of the trip is Betsy saying “I’m sorry – I think you dropped this” as she hands the cup to the driver. I’m laughing so hard I’m crying. Betsy walks back to us as Kristi pulls up. Bev, Sue and I were laughing so hard we could barely tell Kristi what happened. I said it would be my first email to Jeff – telling him Betsy was teaching some guy in the hotel parking lot the Leave No Trace she learned on the trip.

We dropped the three girls off at the Holiday Inn and Kristi took me to my hotel. We said our goodbyes, promising to keep in touch. I went in, checked my email, saw I had 215 messages and said FORGET IT! I did a quick status update on my myspace and checked my bank account. Then I went upstairs. Even though it was already 10 PM, I decided to do my laundry. It finished around 11:40 and I went to bed.

Day 6 – July 11, 2008 – 4 PM

Ryan came by to get me at 7:30 this morning. He walked by, flashed a 5-minute sign, and went to get Kevin & Wendy. I was in the process of packing my stuff into my pack and was glad for the 5 minutes. I finished packing quickly and went to stand by the lake one more time. When Ryan, Kevin and Wendy came for me 15 minutes later I was ready to go back to camp. I was smiling and in a very cheerful mood. Betsy, Kristi and Jen were excited to hear how our solo went. I talked with Kristi one-on-one for a bit and then breakfast was called. We went over to eat and share our solo experiences with everyone. It was very emotional as we discussed the issues we spent time thinking about, and was also funny as we talked about various other things that happened – from Kevin’s pet marmot to the teen girls who were also on the lake.

We packed up camp and headed out on our 6 mile hike to a site near Bridal Veil Campground where our trip began. I stayed in the back with Kristi so we could continue our chat. Ryan had put an ace bandage on my knee and reminded me to keep taking the Advil. That way I could get the 6 miles with as little pain as possible.

As we were walking, Kevin, Wendy and Jen took off ahead and Betsy, Kristi and I took a slower pace in the back. Ryan and Jeff tried to stay about 10 minutes behind the group, but they kept catching up to us at breaks. At lunch they said they were actually staying with us a lot more than with other groups. Jeff said it’s because they like us so much. I think it’s more because they are worried about us. It’s been a tough week on everyone – very draining both physically and emotionally. I knew coming here it’d be tough – but I didn’t know it’d be THIS tough.

We actually started passing by a lot of people. By a lot I mean maybe 10. After 6 days of no one, it was great to see signs that we were almost out of the wilderness. Those 10 people had very little with them – just day packs. That was a very good sign in my book.

We started looking for a campsite. We checked out three different sites. As we were looking we passed a creek and there was a little snake. Kevin and I were like “cool – look – a snake.” Jeff was all over it trying to catch it and hold it. Meanwhile, Wendy is flipping out going “where, where?!” I was laughing hysterically at that. She was so tough all week and then the one time I was calm, she was flipping out. We really are polar opposites!!!

We got to camp around 3:30. By camp I mean an area with some flat surfaces just off the trail. It isn’t bad though. I’m parked on my mat under and between two trees. I’m thinking about sleeping without the tarp tonight. GASP! Not sure if I’m that brave yet, but I’m also really not sure if I have the energy to put up the tarp tonight! My knee is killing me and I am so tired. I actually fell asleep for a few minutes on my mat and other than the ants, nothing bothered me.

When we first got here, Jeff told us we were supposed to be at the top of the hill for camp. We asked if we had to move and he said no. He & Ryan however went to the top of the hill and set up “upper camp.”

Everyone is lying around camp relaxing. It’s the first day on the entire trip that we got to camp before dark and could actually enjoy some free time. We’ll even get to cook in daylight today!!!

My pants are super-loose. I think I’ve lost some weight this week. That’d be an added bonus.

Kristi and I keep making plans for tomorrow night and Sunday morning. It’s hard not to get excited or talk about it, even though we are supposed to “live in the moment” as Jeff keeps telling us.

Day 6 – July 11, 2008 – sunrise

I DID IT!!! I spent the night alone in the woods! I slept pretty well too. I woke up maybe 3 times for very short periods of time and went right back to sleep. I felt as if someone was checking on me on those 3 times I woke up. Maybe it was my guardian angel. Who knows? Anyway – I’m very proud of myself.

As I am writing this I am sitting on the rock at the lake watching the sun rise. It is SO beautiful. It is about 60 degrees and there is a wonderful breeze blowing. You can hear the insects hum, the water lapping, and the breeze blowing through the trees. I wish I could bottle up the serenity and take it with me – so I can pull it out when stresses come and remind myself that there is still peace in the world. We just have to look for these quiet places.

We have a 6 mile hike today. Luckily our packs are lighter, it’s on a good trail, and there is only about 500 ft of uphill spread over 3 areas, with one being right at the beginning. I think we’ll do very well. Betsy is the leader today, so we will be going at her pace. I wish I could stay here in this moment for a while longer, but I know that 6 mile hike gets me closer and closer to getting home and holding Daniel & Patrick. I keep picturing their precious little faces, silly smiles, and beautiful big blue eyes that light up with excitement. I can hear their voices so clearly – “Mommy – I NEED a lollipop!” I am so ready to continue on life’s journey, gently guiding them, loving them, and raising them in the core values.

Speaking of which – I am teacher today. I think I’m going to teach the 12 Lakota virtues. They are listed on the next page here in my journal. Coincidence? I’m sure there was a reason I wrote them down and why they ended up being in this section. I just hope I can present them in a way that will inspire the others.

I need to pack my gear so I am ready to go when Ryan or Jeff gets here.

12 Lakota Virtues (from Joseph Marshall’s The Lakota Way)
Humility – to be humble, modest, unpretentious
Perseverance – to persist, to strive in spite of difficulties
Respect – to be considerate, to hold in high esteem
Honor – to have integrity, to have an honest and upright character
Love – to place and hold in one’s heart
Sacrifice – to give of oneself, an offering
Truth – that which is real, the way the world is
Compassion – to care, to sympathize
Bravery – having or showing courage
Fortitude – strength of heart and mind
Generosity – to give, to share, to have a heart
Wisdom – to understand what is right and true, to use knowledge wisely